The day I "lost" my hair

For most cancer patients, especially women, this is one of the hardest things they have to deal with regarding side effects of cancer treatment. The health insurance in Slovenia does offer a certain amount of money for patient’s wigs, I think it is around 80€. It is a very nice help, since I noticed that a lot of people feel very uncomfortable wearing only beanies or scarfs. But for me it wasn’t like that.

What I did regarding my hair?

The day I got my diagnosis, my oncologist also told me that I will be losing my hair very soon after I start with my chemotherapies. I didn’t really feel sad because I am really not that emotionally attached to the way my hair looks. For most of my life I had quite short hair. I do have very thick hair and at the time I was growing them longer, to be able to make a nice hairstyle for my wedding. Ha ha, not happening.

First thing I did was to buy a shaver off of Amazon, because we didn’t have any at home. Then I was waiting for my hair to start falling out.

By the way, the hair loss doesn’t happen because you have cancer but because of the cytostatics, the drugs you get during chemotherapy. The cytostatics attack the rapidly dividing cells, which are mainly cancer cells. But it does not target cancer cells specifically, so all cells in the body which are rapidly dividing are affected. And the cells in our hair roots are one of the most rapidly dividing cells in our body - hence the hair loss.

So, it was Friday at the end of August, after my first chemo. It was hot and I had long hair. That Friday I started to feel that my hair is just not that strongly attached to my head anymore. When I was running my fingers through my hair, every time I pulled a good amount of hair out. So, I decided that that is it and my hair had to go. I didn’t want to have ten lonely hairs hanging out of my head and look desperate and even more sick than I actually am or feel. And I secretly wanted to shave my hair from the beginning of my treatment anyway. I found it really fun. It was my unfulfilled wish from my crazier teenage years and this time, my parents couldn't really be angry with me. I was so happy to shave my head, you cannot imagine the excitement I felt.

I waited for Simon to come home to help me with the shaving. And so, the shaving begun.

First, I just cut off my ponytail, to make things easier. So far so good.

Secondly, I cut my hair a bit more because it was still quite long.

Then I went in with my new shaver. And here is when the things went south. As I mentioned, I have very thick hair. And do not let the Hollywood movies trick you- shavers are not that strong! I learned that the hard way. I was always imagining how I will be shaving my hair and the hair will be falling on my bathroom floor and I will shed a tear and you know… Movie style. Well, that didn’t happen.

My poor shaver could not handle the amount of hair on my head. I tried and the shaver tried, and Simon tried, but we all failed. So, there I was on Friday night, looking very flattering with my hairstyle made with regular scissors. Pictures are attached for your entertainment. I am aware of how flattering they make me look.

Because this hairstyle was a bit embarrassing even for me, I had to go to hairdresser. Simon called the one near us and explained the situation, while I was giggly admiring the art work I made with my hair. The hairdresser miraculously had time to squeeze me in and in half an hour I was sitting in the hair salon.

The hairdresser made me a coffee and shaved my hair as it should be done. I think that she was expecting a bit of crying from my end. Didn’t happen. I found my hair shaving process very entertaining. The hairdresser complemented the shape of my head because apparently that is a fear of people in my types of situations. But she was really sweet and kind and I got my hair-no hair treatment for free.

Epilogue

For a few weeks I was shaving my head every week or so, because my hair kept growing back. And then I gave up on shaving. I still have hair! They might be a bit thinning, but I can still easily pull the “I have short hair” hairstyle and not look sick.

Sometimes I am contemplating if I rushed into shaving my head because I was so excited. But I tell myself that if I would keep them long, they would fallen out even more.

Present

It is winter and I am cold, my head is freezing most of the time. I just spent too much on indoor beanies. And I have newly found respect for my bold friends.